Monday, March 18, 2013

Week 2 of Outside Help

Happy Monday everyone! I've been away for the past computer had a virus. Ugh! Finally got it all worked out.

Last week was mom's second week with a caregiver. She had Teresa come in on Wednesday and a new lady, I think her name was Christina, came in on Friday. I didn't meet Christina, it was kind of a last minute notification that they were sending someone out that morning. So my sister (also named Christina) met her that morning.

I was a little concerned that mom would not open the door for Teresa on Wednesday morning. So I called Teresa that morning to let her know that if mom did not answer she should give me a call and I would come over to let her in. I never received a call; I took that as a good sign that mom had opened the door.

I called mom later on in the day to see how it went with Teresa. After telling me, yet again, how she felt about having people over at her house with her ("I told your dad 'no' but he still said she had to come, I don't know why she needs to be here..."), mom finally perked up as she told me how "that girl" went for a walk with her.

"She really wanted to go for a walk too, but I don't know why she couldn't drive me so she walked with me to Kmart too and I got some of that really good laundry soap stuff too. And she says she visits other people too, that's her job, visiting people," she says, with amazement and awe in her voice.

I asked her some more questions about their visit and overall, mom seemed cheery about the whole experience.

"She helped with some of your dad's laundry too and wash a couple dishes too...she's a nice girl too..." mom continued.

Aside from the fact that mom just plain doesn't want anyone over there, she seems to do well while they are there. She gets aggravated when people are around, I think because she feels like she can't do her own thing (like run and hide in the office to play computer games, or nap in complete and utter peace and quiet), but I think deep down she likes having people there to visit with.

On Friday, I asked mom how she liked the new caregiver who came that day. Mom was elated to tell me that Christina let her make her her favorite sandwich: sliced turkey, American sliced cheese, sliced tomato, all layered on potato bread and smothered in mayo, mustard and submarine dressing. Mom always asks me I would like to have one her famous sandwiches because "it's so delicious and nutritious for my body." Well, mom was finally able to bond-this time with Christina-over their delicious sandwiches.

Today was my day to spend with mom. I've been trying to help my dad with some organization projects while I'm there, and mom is becoming increasingly resentful towards me for staying during her naptime. I feel like I'm pretty quiet, as are my boys (one naps and the other settles in with a movie during naptime), but if we are breathing then we are too loud for mom. She is fine during the rest of our visit, but the past couple of weeks (especially last week) she was very cranky with me when I left.

"I don't want you people here anymore! You don't support me and you're too noisy while I'm trying to sleep! You don't need to be here, no!"

I know better than to get offended; sometimes I question if I should really stay during her nap. But then I remind myself that I cannot give in to my toddler when he throws tantrums; it's no different for mom. Similarly, I sometimes wonder if we're jumping the gun and pushing a caregiver on her before there's a real need for it. But with the safety concerns we've had, I know that there's no better time to get started than the present. It helps relieve some stress and worry off my dad as well, both to have someone there to supervise mom as well as having people there to help with the housekeeping. She has been getting used to having people there, little by little, over the past several months. She may throw tantrums about it, but hopefully someday the tantrums will subside!


  1. You have been totally right to bring in help at this time. It will help her get used to others around, and it will prevent her family from getting burned out. I have been there. My mom had PPA. I moved in with her just before my dad died, and I waited to bring in a caregiver while I was at work. I should have done it sooner. Nothing terrible happened, and we lived next door to her older sister, who was retired and could check in on her, but it was hard on everyone. Glad your mom is able to bond with these ladies. Sounds like they do a good job with her. Take care. Bev

    1. Bev, I have read your last couple of comments with great interest. It is good to hear experiences from other people, I really do enjoy and welcome the comments. Thank you for participating in conversation and sharing your experiences with me and with my other readers as well!! I look forward to hearing more from you in the future. Sorry about the loss of your mom. Take care of yourself!