Halloween 2013

With each holiday that passes, we wonder if this is the last time mom will remember that particular holiday. She has lost memory of those smaller holidays: Memorial Day, Labor Day, even 4th of July. But as of last year, her memory was still intact for the “bigger” holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. If I remember correctly, it did take some explaining to spark her memory about Halloween. But eventually, she figured out what we were talking about and remembered how we celebrate Halloween.

Saturday night, my parent’s church ward had their annual Halloween party and trunk-or-treat. Dad likes to have all the grandkids come along and be together for some Halloween fun. I got the kiddos (an myself) dressed up and headed over to my dad’s house, figuring we may as well ride over together. As I walked in the door, I asked dad if mom was going to come with us (knowing full well before I asked that she wouldn’t go).

“No, she doesn’t understand the concept of why we’re going to the church tonight. I tried explaining it; she says that she’s going to church tomorrow and she doesn’t know why we’re going tonight,” dad told me.

I knew it wouldn’t do any good to try and convince her, yet I was still determined to try. I went down the hallway into the room where I knew she was hiding; there she was, sitting at the computer.

“Mom, do you want to go with us to the Halloween party at the church?” I asked.

I explained to her what Halloween is. I pointed out that we dress up and wear costumes and say “trick-or-treat” to ask for candy. My sidekick, “Baby Jack-Jack”, walked in the room and I showed my mom his cool costume. Apparently, mom must think that I look like a superhero everyday because she was oblivious to our being dressed up, even when I pointed it out. The concept is gone.

“Your dad keeps talking to me about this but I don’t understand what you’re saying,” she said, giving me a blank look before returning to her card game on the computer.

Despite all of my attempts to explain Halloween, I couldn’t get mom to understand. I suppose it’s just one more thing to add to the list of the things she’s forgotten. Forgetting holidays is a big one. If she can’t remember Halloween, will she remember Thanksgiving or Christmas? When she forgets those, what will she forget next?

Labor What??

"Oh, Jeff is home; why is Jeff home today and not working today?"

Yesterday was Labor Day. My parents came over late afternoon for our usual Labor Day barbeque. It was about 4:45 when they arrived; on a regular day, my husband doesn't usually get home from work until 5:30 and she very quickly noticed that he was home before his normal time (I think it's easy for her to remember what time he gets home as it is the same time as her dinnertime).

"Mom, today is Labor Day, remember??"

As I tried to remind my mom about the holiday that lands every first-weekend-of-September, my mom stared intently at the food she placed on the counter and quickly changed the subject, asking about the salad I made, and if it had "tomatoes in it too".

Oddly enough, I had just read a post in my online support group that morning, talking about the very issue of a loved one (with dementia) forgetting what holidays and birthdays are.

So far, my mom has an excellent memory of birthdays and anniversaries. Every so often she goes to the Dollar Tree to stock up on birthday and anniversary cards for the upcoming months, because "they are such a good price, only a dollar!" She will fill them out and place them by her bedside a month before the occassion, every day reminding herself and others that so-n-so's birthday is on such-n-such date and "I even have a card to send her too." She loves to serenade us with song for our special days. Her favorite, which she recently admitted to me that she sings in her head at bedtime, is the Anniversary song (to the tune "William Tell Overture" by Rossini):

"Happy Anniversary,
Happy Anniversary,
Happy Anniversary,
Haaaaaaa-ppy Anniversary!
Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Anniversary....." (and on, and on, and on...)

Holidays are another issue. She remembers the big ones: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter. I've noticed that she doesn't seem to remember the smaller holidays, such as Memorial Day or Labor Day. I remember this past Valentine's day...she was completely confused as to why my dad brought her flowers,

"Our anniversary isn't until February 28th."

Even with an explanation, she couldn't seem to recall what Valentine's Day is. Little by little, she is forgetting the meanings of these significant days.

With the holiday season drawing near, I feel a little bit of despair. Everything is changing, and it's changing fast. Last Christmas was so much different than the year before. What will this Christmas bring? Is this going to be the last year that she remembers what we are celebrating?

I know that time is precious. None of us know how much time we have. I am realizing now, more than ever before in my life, how important it is to make the most of the time we have. I feel an urgency to make this holiday season spectacular, and to make as many memories as possible.