Severe Showers

Hygeine often becomes an issue in the later stages of dementia. Fortunately for us, mom has been rigid in her showering/hygiene routine. She hasn't needed assistance or supervision in managing her bathing; she showers every morning-or so we thought.

A few months ago, mom started referring to certain days as "severe shower" days. We interpreted "severe showers" to mean that those were days she washed her hair versus other days when she put on a shower cap. Her mention of severe shower days became less frequent, but the blow dryer was still being heard in her bedroom every morning. Why would she need to blow dry her hair if she wasn't washing it? We figured all was well in the showering department.

Through a series of events, we came to discover exactly what "severe showers" meant. First, a disclaimer: I don't post this to embarrass my dear mom. By now, you should all know that the things I write about are NOT my mom, but a disease that has taken over her body and mind. I share this only to help others to understand the complications of dementia and to prepare those who are behind us in their journey. I just wanted to make that clear. Back to the severe showers...after we took the blow dryer away, as my aunt checked in on my mom that week, she noticed that the shower stall was dry. It seemed that mom didn't know what to do in her routine without her blow dryer. For the entire week following her blow dryer confiscation, the shower stall remained dry. After brainstorming with my dad, he decided he would disable the hot wire in the blow dryer so that mom could have her blow dryer (and routine) back without the risk of harming herself. The morning after he did that, I went over to check in on mom. I heard the blow dryer going; success! Our plan had worked...or did it?

I decided to peek in on the shower stall, just to make sure it was wet, and to my surprise, it was dry apart from a small bit of water directly under the faucet. There's no way she could have taken a severe shower with the majority of the shower stall dry!

Upon further observation, we have learned that mom is washing her face and her hair in the sink every morning (hence, why we still hear the blow dryer going everyday). As for the rest of her body...she is sponge bathing in the shower stall but only takes severe showers once in a while. It's not clear how long she's been doing this or how long she'd gone without a shower. But she's been complaning of some discomfort in certain areas of her body, which is likely due to the lack of proper cleaning so my guess is that this has probably been going on for a couple of months now. Needless to say, it is more responsiblity on my dad as he now has to ensure that she gets showered at least a few times a week. He's been waiting for her to get undressed into her pajamas at night and takes that opportunity to push her (not harshly, of course) into the shower. She's needed a few promptings on what to do while in the shower, but the job gets done without dad having to do more than put her in...for now.

While We Were Out

While we were taking our trip to Rexburg, I got a call from my sister, relating a phone call she received from my Aunt. Apparently, my Aunt had gone over to watch mom on that Friday. She heard the blow dryer going in mom's back room so she decided to check in on her. If you missed my earlier post about the blow dryer, mom has been burning holes in her clothes as she tries to dry herself with the blow dryer. When Aunt Claudia walked into mom's bedroom she expected to see mom drying herself off with the blow dryer. To her surprise and horror, she found the blow dryer laid down on the stool next to mom, turned on to full heat as mom stood by with a knife in her hand, chopping down on the top of her hair in an effort to cut off the pieces that were bugging her (you can catch up on her hair cutting adventures here). After an unsuccessful search for the scissors, mom got wise and decided a knife might do the trick. Needless to say, all of the knives are now under lock and key.

On Monday, I went over for my morning with mom. I heard the blow dryer going, as always. I was a little wary of the noise given my Aunt's experience the week before. Sure enough, when I walked in mom's room, the blow dryer was sitting on the stool by itself, emitting intense heat against mom's pant leg as she stood over her mirror, applying gobs of make-up on her face. I walked over and without any warning to mom, unplugged the blow dryer and hid it away. While I searched for a hiding place, mom told me I should "support" her and shouldn't be taking her blow dryer away; she was completely oblivious to my hiding place next to dad's side of the bed. For the rest of the morning, mom was upset with me and mumbled comments such as,

"You need to give me back my blow dryer...you should support me...I never did this to my mom..."

It was hard and a part of me wanted to make her happy and give her back her blow dryer, but I knew I couldn't give in to her temper tantrums. I wouldn't give my toddler a knife just because he threw a fit that he wanted it; it's the same scenario with my mom. The blow dryer has become a hazard.

Fast forward to the next couple of days. My Aunt and Uncle have been over taking care of mom and have noticed that the shower stall is completely dry. It seems that without a blow dryer, mom's routine is off and she believes she can't shower. I brought this up with my dad and he came up with an idea to disable the wire that gives heat to the blow dryer. He figured most of the risk would be gone with the heat. He asked if I'd check up on her this morning and make sure that she showers.

I showed up to mom's at 9:00 this morning, right as she was about to start getting ready. She complained of me being in her room, concerned of my seeing her "naked" and a "plain Jane". It seemed as though she planned to shower, so I left the room to give her some privacy. After about 20 minutes, I decided to check in on her since I hadn't heard the shower going. I found mom halfway dressed with her head in the sink. Upon further inspection, I found that the shower stall had only a few drops of water directly under the faucet while the rest was dry. It didn't take long to figure out what mom means when she says it's a "severe shower day". I am guessing that "severe shower days" means she gets her whole body into the shower to wash off; the rest of the days it seems she must be washing her hair in the sink and perhaps rinsing her lower half in the shower. I don't know exactly how long this has been going on, but I think the dry shower stall mystery is solved :(

At our previous trips to UCLA, they always liked to point out mom's strength. At the top of the list was her hygiene and the fact that she was still able to take care of herself. Now that this is slipping, I wonder what is left.