Some days a girl just needs her mom. Even when that girl is a grown woman.
Some days a girl just needs her mom.
Like when the neighbor delivers an entire crate of plums on her doorstep; mom would know just what to do with them. Every summer, mom made homemade plum jam out of grandma’s homegrown plums-using grandma’s perfected recipe. Why didn’t I think to get that recipe when mom still knew what plum jam was? Why didn’t I pay more attention to the details while I was helping her as a young girl?
Some days a girl just needs her mom.
Like when her kids begin to test the lines; when her teenage girls detest her and all her rules. The thing grand thing about a grandma is that she is seasoned. She has been through the tests and the rebellions and the attitudes and the challenges of her own children and passes down her wisdom to them when they’ve grown. Mom was so smart. She studied child development. In my early mothering years (before dementia), she always knew the right thing to say, the right way to handle a situation.
Some days a girl just needs her mom.
Like when she wants to pick up the phone to share good news, to ask a question or just to shoot the breeze. This is probably what I miss most. Having a mom to talk to.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I had twenty-something years with my mom before dementia began to take over. Some women never even had that long. I am not the first woman to lose her mom at a young age and I am certainly not the last. Some days I feel strong, resolved; I feel like I can do this! I can take care of myself, I can figure out this parenting thing and I’m stronger for not having to rely on anyone.
And other days I feel lost. How do I navigate without my mom?
Some days a girl just needs her mom.
Today is just one of those days.
Cassandra, I know exactly how you feel. Your post made me really miss my mom. I remember that feeling, wishing I could call to talk and it would be like old times, but it wasn't. It sucks. Hang in there! I know you say you are not the first nor the last to deal with something like this, but to you it is everything. It doesn't really make it any easier to deal with does it?
ReplyDeleteDefinitely miss the advice I could get from my mom. And I wish I had let her teach me how to sew before it was too late! It's nice that I have the memories and that she is still "here" but I definitely miss her! And sorry I haven't been commenting lately - I have enjoyed reading your blog!
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