Sound the Alarm

I am a mom to a very busy, very curious, very independent and strong-willed two-year-old. He’s adorable. He melts my heart and he brings a smile to my face each and every day. He also leaves me exhausted by the end of the day. Especially on those days that I have to take him shopping. Today was one such day. We went shopping at Kohl’s. He was adamant that he was NOT going in a cart. I was able to bribe him for a few minutes with some fruit snacks. But once those were gone, so was my two-year-old. He was able to unlatch that cheap seatbelt and climbed right out of that cart. When he’s this determined to stay out of the cart, I give him a choice,

“Hold my hand or ride in the cart” and he will choose to hold my hand.

Not today! He insisted he could walk by himself. He was like a little Tasmanian Devil, running up and down the aisles, hiding in the clothing racks (pulling clothes off the hangers in the process) and touching anything else that caught his attention. Many times throughout our trip, I *tried* to pick him up and carry him. I was sure the police were going to be coming into the store at any given moment on suspected child abduction…that’s how big of a fit he threw when I tried to carry him along. Body wrenching and wiggling, legs kicking and lungs screaming.

Now…add my 52 year-old-mom-with-dementia into the mix and you can guess how my Monday morning went. Or maybe you can’t guess. Because there’s always something new and exciting with dementia.

Preparing mom for her shopping trip was exhausting enough. Before we left, we spent 15 minutes sitting in her living room as she looked through her wallet for her Kohl’s gift card. Right away she [thought] she found it. I spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain to her that what she held in her hand was NOT the gift card, but rather the cardboard that was attached to the gift card when it was purchased. I could have just as well explained it to the couch we were sitting on, with the response I was getting from mom. She tucked her “gift card”, along with her Kohl’s coupons (which she was confused about) into an envelope, zipped up her purse and was ready to go. I try to avoid a scene as best I can when I take her out, so I asked mom to get out her wallet again and find the right card. No matter which way I tried to explain it to her, she didn’t understand and she mostly ignored me. At one point, as I was trying to explain it to her, I tried to unzip her purse to show her that I needed to look through her wallet to find the card. Big mistake. She ripped her purse away from me and glaringly said,

“No, you don’t get into my purse, no! That’s mine!”

I honestly can’t even remember how it happened, but eventually I was able to convince her to get her wallet out again and we found her gift card. She placed it in the envelope along with the cardboard cut out.

Back to Kohl’s. You have the visual of my rowdy two-year-old. Now, picture my mom, racing around the store looking for something specific; me, chasing quickly behind her while pushing my toddler in a cart (he was just finishing up his fruit snacks), attempting to ask her what she was looking for. She was up one aisle and down the other as I maneuvered behind her with the cart. She was much quicker than I was and it’s hard to push those carts, so it will come as no surprise when I tell you that she disappeared from my line of vision. We were in the back of the store, in the home decor section. I turned up an aisle of picture frames just in time to see mom’s red hair flash around the corner. And then I heard an ear piercing noise. My first instinct was to cover my ears, but I knew right away that my mom was responsible for setting off the store alarm. I rushed around the corner to see mom, standing by the emergency exit, one hand still on the door, looking puzzled at where that loud sound was coming from.

I grabbed mom’s arm and pulled her away from the door, the alarm screaming so loudly that mom couldn’t hear me. In no time, there was a Kohl’s associate rushing to the back door to turn off the alarm. I apologized for the mistake (once the piercing sound was stopped) and pondered on the irony of the situation: it wasn’t my two-year-old that has set off the alarm, but rather my grown mom.

Mom seemed not to notice the commotion she had caused but rather went about her goose chase, calling across the store,

“Are you a worker??”

The sales associate (who had turned off the alarm) came back to mom at mom’s beckoned call, and patiently assisted her as mom asked her what her Kohl’s coupon mailers were for (not that I hadn’t explained it to her at least half a dozen times already!!!!!)

The rest of the shopping trip was fairly uneventful, aside from chasing a feisty two-year-old while attempting to not lose my mom. By the time we left, I felt ready for a nap!!

I have said this once before and with the holidays soon approaching I will say it again…to all those dear family members (and siblings of mine) who want to get mom a gift card for Christmas (or any other occasion): If you get her the card, you get to take her to spend it! It’s just not fair for me to have all this fun by myself ;)

Happy Feet

I think I’ve written in other posts that mom’s latest fixation is taking walks. We have concerns with her walking by herself, so to prevent catastrophe, we have “babysitters” over daily to keep an eye on those happy feet.

A couple of weeks ago, on a Friday, a lady from church was over watching mom. Mom was adamant that she was walking to her sister’s house that day (about 1 - 1 1/2 miles down the road) and was quite annoyed that people were over everyday to visit when all she really wanted to do was go for a walk by herself. This sweet sister from church told mom she would be delighted to walk with her, so off they went on their walk to my Aunt’s house. Once at my Aunt’s house, my Aunt told this lady that she would make sure mom got home safely and that she need not stay with her the rest of their visit. A little after noon time, my cousin drove my mom back home to her house.

Today mom was at it again. I got a text from my Aunt Ellen to say that mom had walked over to her house. That same lady from church had gone with her and once they were at my Aunt’s house, she left mom to visit with her sister. My Aunt had planned on driving her home. However, when mom was ready to go home, Aunt Ellen couldn’t find her car keys. Waiting patiently is not an ability mom possesses any longer. As my Aunt went to change her clothes and look for her keys, mom slipped out the front door. Aunt Ellen is disabled, so she was unable to chase after her and she still hadn’t found her keys.

Meanwhile…I was picking my son up from Kindergarten and never heard the notification that I had received a new text. I had just gotten in the door, was trying to cool off from the heat outside and sat down in my chair, thinking of what to make the boys for lunch. I made a quick phone call to handle a business matter. As I was on the house phone, my cell phone rang and I saw that it was my other Aunt (Claudia). I didn’t think much about it (she wasn’t with my mom today, so I never thought it would be a call about mom) so I dismissed the call as I finished up my other phone call. When I hung up the phone, I opened up my cell phone just in time to receive a second text from my Aunt Ellen, entitled: “Urgent”. I read through the 2 texts to learn that mom had gotten away before Aunt Ellen could stop her. I texted her back to ask if she had found her keys, knowing she most likely hadn’t, and immediately loaded the boys back into their car seats.

Right as I was pulling out of the driveway, my dad called.

“I’m on my way out the door to look for mom,” I said, knowing that was exactly why he was calling.

Dad was frustrated. This was exactly the kind of fiasco that he has been worried about and has tried so hard to avoid. He tried calling mom’s cell phone, which led him straight to voicemail. His fear was that mom had become confused on her way back and lost her way. And with her not answering her phone, it added more stress to the situation.

I tried to reassure my dad that mom getting lost would be the last of our worries. I worried more about her not recognizing traffic and getting hit by a car, or collapsing from the 100 degree heat. In our meetings with UCLA, and in my research on semantic dementia, the memory of how to get from one familiar place to the next remains preserved…at least, until the later stages.

However, as I was talking with dad and driving around, I saw no signs of mom. I drove around the route that I thought she was most likely to take. Then I looped back around to try the alternative roads she could have turned down. Still no mom. I was beginning to get a little worried. I hung up with dad to call Aunt Ellen to verify what time she left her house; surely she couldn’t have made it all the way home yet. As I made my way around the loop for a 3rd time, Aunt Ellen on the line, I finally saw mom. Relief swept over me when I saw her face. I pulled the car over to the curb, where mom stopped and stood by as if she was waiting for me to drive past. She finally realized who I was and opened the passenger door.

“Oh good, it’s so good you were driving here too because I’m so sweaty and tired too and I got lost coming back; I went to Ellen’s and I took the wrong way, I went the other way instead of that way and it was so weird too and I couldn’t find the right street and then I had to go all the way back around and then I came this way too so it’s so good you found me….”

On and on she rambled, hardly pausing to breathe, let alone allow me to get a word in. Over and over I asked,

“Where is your phone? Mom, dad was trying to call you, why aren’t you answering your phone?”

When she finally heard what I was asking, she replied,

“My phone? Here, it’s broken, it wouldn’t work so I tried to fix it at Ellen’s but it won’t work so I have to take it home too and charge it…”

I tried to explain to her that she cannot leave the house without making sure her phone works and furthermore, she should not be walking alone. She didn’t hear a word I said. Instead, she rambled on and on about her walk, how much she was sweating, how the lady from church walked her to her sister’s. On and on she went until I pulled into her driveway.

“I’m glad you’re safe mom, please don’t scare us again,” I said (talking over her, of course).

Mom unlatched her seatbelt and opened her door.

“Oh I need to see if the mail’s here too. It’s so good that you saw me, I’m so sweaty I’m gonna go get the mail now and go inside.”

And with that, she shut the car door and walked away.

I am glad that mom was safe today. One thing is clear…we can’t rely on mom’s ability to navigate anymore. Sadly, that ability is declining with everything else. And now some more hard begins, as dad has to figure out how keep mom “under control” while he is gone for the day at work. :/