Memories of Mom

Last week was Spring Break for the kiddos. Spending time with them on breaks makes me reflect back and remember all the fun we had as kids. My mom always planned trips to amusement parks, to the beach, etc when we were home from school. I remember staying up late and watching old classic movies with her. Those memories are precious and I hope to make many memories with my kids that they will someday cherish.

We started out our break with a trip to Disneyland. Here’s a fun picture to share with you :)

 

After lunch, we went on the Winnie-The-Pooh ride.  As I sat next to my daughter in the “honey pot”, I couldn’t help but remember the last time I had been on that ride. My daughter was only a year old and my entire family had gone to Disneyland for my birthday. My mom was Winnie-The-Pooh’s biggest fan. She was a Head Start teacher and had lots of Pooh shirts, toys, collectibles, etc. So it goes without saying that she insisted on going on the ride that day. She was thrilled to sit with her grandbabies, singing and grinning and sharing in the magic of the ride.

Sitting on the ride (back to present day), my mind began to wander a little bit. Sometimes I can’t help but to think about what life would be like if mom didn’t have dementia. I know I shouldn’t torture myself like that, but some days it’s hard to push those thoughts away. We used to do so much together as a family. I found myself wondering, if mom were still “here”, would she have been with us that day? Would she be sitting on the ride with us right then? I could almost picture her beside me, singing Tigger’s song, “The wonderful thing about Tiggers…”

There was another night during spring break when my husband went to a hockey game with a friend. I decided to have a movie night with the kids and that sentimental part of me longed for those days when I had movie nights with my own mom over break. I wanted to give my kids some culture and expose them to the classics, like my mom did for me. Our movie pick that night was “West Side Story”. That movie became one of my and mom’s favorite movies to watch together. I found myself, sprawled out on the couch with my kids, singing along to all of the songs as if it had been merely days since I’d last seen the movie, rather than years. My kids indulged me and seemed amused with my singing and dramatics and it dawned on me: I was becoming my mom! She used to do the same thing- dramatically sing along to the movie, sometimes with gestures and all! I can still see her standing in our living room, fist to her chest, chin tilted up with a smirk on her face as she belted out the words (in a fake Puerto Rican accent) to the song “I feel pretty”. In fact, she didn’t need the movie rolling in the background to sing that one; she sang that song to me frequently.

I miss my mom a lot; I miss her so much that sometimes (oftentimes) it hurts. But there are little memories of her everywhere. I’m so grateful for all the fun memories that she has left me with. When my kids seem slightly embarrassed that I’m making them wear matching shirts to Disneyland or that I’m being a cheese-ball and singing during our movie nights, I know that someday they will look back at these memories with a fondness in their hearts.

Mom’s Disneyland Adventure

For the past 2 years, mom has wanted Disneyland tickets for her birthday. Last year, my siblings and I bought both her and dad tickets to go. She went and had a good time, but was tired by late afternoon/early evening. But from what I remember, she went on quite a few rides and reminisced about her earlier days at the popular amusement park.

This year, as her birthday approached, mom kept no mystery as to what she wanted for her gift.

“And last year how you got me those tickets to go to Disneyland, I want to have those again so will you buy them for me too please?” (When she asks questions such as these, they generally sound more like demands than questions, ha ha).

Of course I wanted to make all of her dreams come true. But the reality is, my dad is the one who would have to take her. I wanted to make sure he was up to it. The nice guy that he is, he said that he had already been considering taking her.

Mom’s birthday was in May, and I told her I was sending her to Disneyland for her birthday gift. Every time I’ve seen her since, she asks me where her ticket is and laments,

“I just don’t know why your dad won’t take me yet.” [Side note: dad has been really busy running his business].

This week, dad was in between jobs and decided he’d take mom to Disneyland. When I asked him how it went, he told me he would write down his story and email to me (and my siblings). I asked him if I could share this on my blog. He was hesitant at first, but I was able to talk him into it ;) I think it’s good for my readers to sometimes see things in the perspective of other members of my family, especially my dad. Some parts are a little sad and some parts will make you laugh out loud. So here it is; thank you, dad, for opening up and letting me share this.

“Mom got a ticket for California Adventure from Cassandra last month for her birthday. For the last month she's been like a child "when can we go", "It'll be good exercise for me too" "being active I won't even need to take a nap".

Finally the day came when I could take her. I got up at my usual time, took care of some things, then woke her at 730. We had issues about taking the purse vs. taking the buttpack, as she would normally do. She wanted to take everything, finally consolidating to the buttpack; I gave in on taking the three full pill bottles. We left at 8:45, I got a little turned around in Anahiem, mom kept trying to be the navigator, "you're not going the correct way".......Blah, blah blah. We arrived at the Woody parking lot, very unfamiliar territory for her. She was very insistent that I wasn't at the right place. We took the shuttle, got to the gate by 10.

She wasn't too keen on opening the pack and letting security have a look, but we finally got into California Adventure and started walking around.

"This isn't looking correctly to me, No, No this isn't the right state, this isn't right." We walked around finally got on the white water raft ride. She got wet, protesting loudly how unhappy it made her. We walked around for about an hour. She couldn't find the "severe rides" she remembered. She wanted to be at Disneyland, So I go to customer services, explain the situation, 15 minutes later we're in Disneyland.

We went on Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted House and walked around looking for the "severe ride" which I think she was thinking Big Thunder Mountain, which was closed and fenced off so it was mostly out of view. Lunch time, medicine, walking around more, nothing seemed to interest her, not shopping, not any of the rides. We went to see about space mountain,(not that she would've gone on it) but even fast pass was three hours out. She seemed to enjoy Michael Jackson at Captain EO. Nothing else interested her so by 3:00 we were heading out.

While at California Adventure, nature called, so I hunted down the nearest restroom, told mom "wait right here" so I go in standing at the urinal checking out the tile work when I hear "So this is the men’s bathroom too?" Horrified I turned to find none other than mom standing there wringing her hands together as she does. It's amazing how many thoughts shot through my head at once.....well at least they have partitions....I quickly looked to see how many of the dozen or so people noticed a woman in there....I wanted to be mad, but simply told her "you can't be in here go wait outside please.....I remembered Rod Steward’s line from Every Picture Tells a Story "make the best time out of bad , just laugh it off" So I did. Looking back, it was quite humorous. She has such an innocence about her.

I feel bad for her that she wasn't fully able to enjoy her long anticipated trip, but I don't know how much she realizes the difference, between what is and what used to be. She seemed content to have spent such a short time there.”