Neighborhood Watch

Last night Mom gave us a good scare.

I was sitting on my couch with my husband around 9:00 pm, watching a TV show in my jammies and unwinding from the day. My phone rang; it was my sister. I answered the phone and when she hesitated for a second before answering, I had the sense that something was wrong. Her response confirmed it,

"Has Dad called you?" she asked, a slight panic in her voice.

"No, why? What happened?" I asked, sitting up straight, on alert.

"Mom is missing," she replied.

I nearly jumped out of my seat, exclaiming, "What do you mean she is missing??"

My sister quickly filled me in on what had transpired. She and her son had been at the house while Dad was looking at a job. When they saw Dad's truck pulling into the driveway, they gathered their things to leave. They unlocked the front door and let themselves out, but didn't lock the door behind them because Dad was getting out of his truck and coming up right then. It didn't seem likely that Mom would get out without someone noticing or crossing paths with her. Yet, it happened.

I jumped out of my seat and dialed my dad's number, trying to decide if I should leave the house in my jammies to go look for her or change into real clothes first (okay, let's be honest here...the issue was more about a bra than it was the jammies, ha ha). Dad answered his phone after the first ring and I asked him if he had found Mom. Thankfully, he said that he had found her. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to calm my racing heart as Dad gave his side of what happened. Like Christina had said, he had just pulled up and Chris and Jeremy were walking down the driveway. Somehow in that time, Mom must have snuck behind Chris and walked down alongside Dad's huge work van as he was on the other side (hiding her from his view) and made her escape. By the time Dad had made his way up the porch, she was already gone and he had no idea that she had even step foot out of the house. He came inside the house and got settled in when, a short time later, he heard his doorbell ring. He answered to find a man standing there, who said, in a thick, Spanish accent,

"Your wife is out."

It took Dad a moment to understand what the man was saying, but then he followed him outside and walked up and down the street, finding no sign of Mom. Dad was a little suspicious of the man, wondering if he was trying to scam him or something, but the man told him to go check in his house. Dad walked through the house and the panic set in when he couldn't find Mom. He went back outside and-I can't remember if he said he walked or got in his car, but I think he said he happened to walk out at just the right time-he found Mom crossing a street in the neighborhood. My guess from Dad's description is that the man who showed up at the door was the husband of Mom's friend, Maria, who lives up the street. They often see me walking with her and they always try to engage Mom and say hi; they know the situation. Thank goodness that he happened to be outside at 9:00 at night and recognized that my mom was wandering alone. I am so grateful for neighbors who keep an eye out for us. I hate to think of how it could've ended had he not been out!

As I was on the phone with Dad, he found her ID bracelet that we'd had made for her a few years ago (that she would never leave on). I told him that she is to the point now where I don't think she can get the bracelet undone. After struggling himself with the clasp, Dad finally got the bracelet on Mom and as of this morning, when I checked in with the caregiver, it is still on her wrist. Even with our lock system, Mom is sneaky...we never know when she might get past us!

Our Eventful Morning

Sometimes, a day spent with mom can be quiet and a little boring. She rarely comes out to the living room or kitchen anymore, unless it is to retrieve food or medicine. She keeps herself tucked away in her room or in the computer room. On those days we sometimes wonder, does she really need someone here at every hour of the day?

And then we have a day like today. And we are reminded with certainty that mom should not be left alone.

To make a long story short, we had nobody to watch mom this morning. I found out yesterday that her usual Friday morning caregiver had a last minute doctor's appointment that she had to attend. Everyone I called had appointments and I had a dentist appointment this morning as well. And you know how those go...if you don't give a 24 hour cancellation notice, they charge you for the missed appointment. Mom had told me yesterday afternoon that she didn't want anyone over this morning because she had to wash her hair and take a shower. So after a few fruitless phone calls and talking with my dad, we (apprehensively) figured she would be okay until I was done with my dentist appointment, at which point I would come by and stay with her.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked up to mom's front door after my appointment this morning; both doors were closed and locked. The last time mom had made an escape, she left the door cracked open. I assumed she was home. I let myself in the house, locked the door behind me, set down my things, and got my son settled in. Then I made my way to the back of the house to see what mom was up to. The door to the computer room was shut and it was about that time that she would normally be playing her games. I turned on the knob, expecting it to be locked (as usual) but to my surprise it immediately opened. Mom's desk chair was empty. That grabbed my attention right away and as I glanced further down the hall, my heart skipped a beat; mom's bedroom door was wide open (she never leaves her door open when she's in there). I rushed to her room and as expected, her bed was empty. I looked in her usual hiding places-the closet, bathroom, alongside her bed.

"Mom? Mom, where are you?!" I called, trying not to panic.

When I searched all the rooms in the house and couldn't find my mom, I knew well enough that she had gotten out. I grabbed my purse and my keys and my son (who was protesting that he hadn't gotten his peanut butter and jelly sandwich yet) and hurried out the front door. I figured there were only a few places she would have gone: the Avon lady's house (which I would've likely seen her if that was the case, as the Avon lady is at her other job right now and mom would have been walking back home), the grocery store or my Aunt's house. Being that it is Friday, I turned on the street leading to my Aunt's house.

I made it almost the entire way to my Aunt's house when I finally spotted my mom at the top of the road, wearing her thick, fleece blue jacket and jeans and carrying one purse on each shoulder (one is for her lunch). [The advantage to mom wearing the same clothes everyday is that she's easy to find or describe in a situation like this!] She was walking my direction at the top of the street but not in her usual, fast paced sprint. Instead, her walk looked almost shuffled and she moved slowly, looking around as though she was confused. When I pulled up closer, I saw that her face was bright red and her make-up was dripping with the sweat on her skin. I pulled over to the side of the road, put the car park and put on my hazard lights and called to her,

"Mom, mom! It's me, Cassandra. Your daughter."

She looked confused.

"Ellen, Ellen? I'm trying to find Ellen's house..."she mumbled, waving her finger in the air.

"Mom it's me, Cassandra," I said, as I approached her. I put my arm around her and felt her hair, drenched in sweat. I directed her to the car, repeating to her who I was. After several seconds, she finally registered that it was me.

"Oh oh, Cassandra? You're Cassandra? But I couldn't find Ellen's house-it's so weird-I couldn't find it..." she said (with some other unrecognizable words mixed in here and there).

"I know momma, you shouldn't leave the house alone. I'm so glad you're okay," I said, helping her inside the car.

She continued her chatter about how she had been looking for her sister's house and it was obvious that she was very flustered and very tired. My heart hurt as I looked at my poor, confused mom. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said a silent prayer of gratitude that she was okay. I took her home and got her settled in (lunch and nap) but despite my efforts, I couldn't get her to take off her jacket or drink any water (although she did take some sips of her root beer). She complained that she was cold and it was no wonder; her shirt was completely drenched in sweat. Her eyes were pink and her face still flushed even half an hour later, but I could not get her to cooperate with me to change her clothes or take more than a small sip of water.

For now, she is resting in her bed. I am very glad that she is safe. It was a rough reminder that mom shouldn't be left alone. Next time, I'll just pay the darned appointment cancellation fee!