"Mom"-proofing the House

When my kids were little, they used to get into things that they weren't supposed to. On several occasions, each of them had gotten into my make up and rubbed it all over their faces. I remember one time, my son got into the Desitin and rubbed it all over his cheeks. Vaseline, baby powder, flour...those are just a few of the things they had fun with. One of my favorites was the time that my daughter took apart her peanut butter and jelly sandwich and smeared the insides of the sandwich all over face!

My kids have long since outgrown the phase of getting into things and rubbing it on their little faces. But my mom, on the other hand, has been obsessed with rubbing things on her face. It stems from her make-up obsession, which you can read about in a number of previous posts. Her routine has changed over time; she went from putting on make-up nicely, to wearing dark eyebrows and foundation so thick you could peel it off,to applying make-up in all the wrong places of her face. She was making such a terrible mess with all of the make-up that my dad had to phase it out, leaving her with mostly empty containers in her drawer. She no longer puts on make-up, but she does go through the motions of applying it. After I get her dressed from her shower, for example, she will grab a tube of mascara and, without opening the lid, rub the plastic tube all over her face. Sometimes she will dip a powder sponge onto the lid of her eyeshadow or loose powder and rub it on her face. The motions of putting on make-up seems to be the last ritual left that she remembers, though I don't think she understands the significance of it. She has been in the habit of rubbing something on her face, and that compulsion still lingers.

We aren't limited to make-up anymore. It is the act of rubbing something-anything- on her face that compels mom and it doesn't matter what it is. It used to be whatever she could find in her bathroom: toothpaste, deodorant, soap, shampoo, ky-jelly (we got a good laugh out of that one), lotion, diaper rash cream. Dad removed everything from her bathroom in an effort to stop her from putting things on her face. Not to be deterred, Mom recovered more items from the front bathroom: Dad's after shave, shaving gel, more soaps and shampoos. So, we put a childproof handle on the doorknob. Problem solved. Except that now she opens up the peanut butter containers and rubs that on her face. She got into the laundry room and found cleaners and laundry soap and started to put that on her face (Dad now keeps the laundry room locked). Her newest thing has been opening up water bottles, dumping the water onto her hands and then "applying" the water to her face. And within the past week, she has been opening up the curio cabinet, taking out a crystal bunny knick-knack, and rubbing that on her face! Luckily, Dad is able to lock the curio cabinet; we were afraid she was going to break something!

Needless to say, the house is being childproofed all over again and Mom's skin has been red, bumpy and irritated. A couple of weeks ago, it was so dry and red that it started to peel. I brought over face moisturizer and we've been using that on her face twice a day. That, and locking up everything she could possibly rub into her skin, has helped her skin to improve.

I suppose it's only a matter of time before she loses this last sense of herself that she has been grasping onto. It seems like just yesterday that she wore blue eyebrows, and now that is gone. This, too, shall pass. And when it does, it will be bittersweet.

Mom's "Scents"-ible Shopping Trip

Mom has been asking me for weeks now to take her JC Penney. She wants to buy my little guy an outfit for his birthday. I think the real motive for wanting to go to the mall was to stock up on some more Bath & Body Works lotions and sprays. Mom has an obsession with those bath gels and lotions. Her bathroom cabinet is FULL of them...seriously. FULL. There is no room for any more. It's been somewhat of pain for my dad as mom keeps stock piling more and more body products that have taken over not only all of the cabinet space, but now the counter as well.

The last time we all went to the mall together (about a month ago), mom tried to sneak off to buy more body products. Dad caught her though, and she didn't make her getaway to Bath & Body Works fast enough. She's been scheming to get there ever since. Dad eventually told her that she could buy some more of her "favorite kinds" of bath stuff if she agreed to get rid of some of the old stuff. Whether she understood that part of the deal or not, what she heard was that she was allowed to get some body gels!

Due to sick kids (and sick self), I haven't been over to mom's house the past 2 Mondays. I decided I'd make it up to her and take her out on a week night. I wasn't sure if she would resist, since she has a very strict routine of bed between 8 and 8:30. But she really wanted that body stuff, so she agreed to go after dinner last night.

My dad brought her over shortly after 6:00 pm. No sooner than he stopped his truck did mom excitedly hop out, with a huge grin on her face, ear to ear.

"I'm so happy, thank you for taking me and I have my bag here too for that store, what do you think I should do first? Should I go to pick out your son a toy or clothes or should I go upstairs first and go to that Bath store or you could look for something and I'll go upstairs and then I'll come back to you..."

On and on she went for the next 15 minutes in the car, incessantly chattering about how happy she was, how good it is for her to get out and shop (she used to go places all the time when she was a driver), asking what order we should run our errands in, and occassionally talking about memories of her childhood as we drove past memorable landmarks. I could hardly get a word in edgewise and if I did, she didn't seem to register what I was saying. But I was content to let her ramble; I was just glad that she was happy.

We pulled into the parking lot and mom, in her usual fashion, took off out of the car, racing upstairs to Bath & Body Works as if she was running a marathon! At one point I told her she was walking too fast and asked her to slow down. She responded with,

"No I'm okay. It's really good exercise for me to walk like this too."

After practically sprinting past all who stood between us and the store, we reached mom's destination. Each time she goes to Bath & Body Works, she brings her own bag from home-one that she has saved from the store a long time ago. I tried explaining that they will give her a new bag each time and she didn't need to save it, but she really wanted that bag. Hey-it saves the environment, right? ;)



Mom pulled out her list where she had written down the names of the scents that she loves. A couple have been discontinued but she found the other two scents which were sitting next to each other on the shelves. She held the shower gel and lotion in her hand, carefully studying the words on the label to be sure that was the item she needed. She was a little confused between the bath gel and the shower gel, and I confirmed to her that it was the shower gel she wanted. She didn't believe me and so she pulled out her glasses to read the label more carefully. She became confused when it came time to pick out the body spray. An associate who worked at the store came over to check on us. Mom wasn't responding to her offer to help, so I explained to the nice woman that mom was looking for the body spray. She explained to me that the packaging had changed but what mom held in her hands was indeed the body spray. I tried explaining this concept to mom. She wasn't catching on.

"Why does this say Bath & Body Works here too? That makes it sound like it's for the bath."

"Mom, that's the name of the store. See, it's on every bottle. They write the name of the store on every bottle, but this here says that it is body spray," I explained as I pointed to the labels on every bottle. After a couple more minutes of persausion and studying labels, mom finally concluded that she had selected the right products.



Whew, I thought. We're done! Not quite! Mom had only selected one of her favorite scents and she needed to choose her very favorite scent next: Warm Vanilla Sugar.



On and on we went again, sorting through lotions, bath and shower gels and body sprays. When she found exactly what she was looking for, she placed 3 of everything in her bag.

"Mom, I don't think you need 3 sets. That's a lot of money you're going to be spending," I said, suggesting that she buy only one complete set of the Warm Vanilla Sugar.

"No this is really good and I need it too. I use it so much and yes I need this too and I got this gift in the mail too," she argued, waving a 20% off coupon in front of my face.

We made our way to the front counter and mom took all of her loot out from the bag. In total, she had 4 shower gels, 4 body sprays, 5 lotions (one was a free gift for buying so much) and a travel sized lotion (which was a gift as well). I was becoming increasingly anxious at this point because I knew my dad was not going to be thrilled with the amount of unnecessary body products she was buying. And I was wondering how she was going to pay for all of this. She pulled out her coin bag and I saw a stack of $1 bills and one $5 bill.

"How much money do you have there mom?" I asked. "It doesn't look like it's going to be enough for all of this."

Mom very slowly counted her money, one-dollar bill at a time. She had $27. The grand total of her purchase, with her coupon, was $86.

"Mom, look at everything you have on the counter. You have more than 12 bottles here. Do you think $27 is going to be enough?"

Mom dumped some change into her hand.

"Tell me how much that is and then add this," she instructed the sale associate. "I have that other card too," she told me, referring to her credit card (which I wasn't certain dad wanted her to use).

I felt a little panicky; I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. I called dad, who (as suspected) was not thrilled about her attempted purchase. He told me to try and get her to put some back, but "if she makes a scene about it then let her get it and we'll deal with it later."

Deal with it later: this means that mom won't be allowed to go to Bath & Body Works for a long time. Dad thinks that she has to learn to do what we tell her to or else there are consequences. This is the perfect approach for a child. And since mom is very childlike, it seems logical. Unfortunately, mom is not teachable with this disease. I told my dad (later on that night) that the best approach is to limit her access to the money. The cards need to be taken away and she needs a cash allowance. It's complicated; it's not as simple as it sounds.

Back to the counter: I tried to coax mom into putting some of the Warm Vanilla Sugar sets back. The sale associate (who was wise to the situation) told mom that she would hold it for her until she came back "next time." I told her it would be there for a long time, why not come back and get it when she runs out of it? No amount of convincing would do for mom.

"No, I can get all this. I need this, no." Then she turned her face from me and glared at me from the corner of her eye, adding, "You guys need to just quit picking on me!" as she pushed all of the products forward to the associate.

I stood by and let mom move forward with the purchase, swallowing the lump in my throat. How did we get to this point? It just doesn't make sense that I would have to stand by and watch my mom-a grown woman, the woman who raised me and taught me all I know-struggle with a seemingly simple concept such as how much money it takes to buy an item (or 12). It is hard to reverse the roles and have to act like a mom to my own mother. And even harder because somewhere deep down she senses what is going on and feels like I am disrespecting her. It breaks my heart.

After paying for her abundance of body products, mom swiftly led the way out of the store and back down to JC Penney. She wandered around the kid's sections; I'm not exactly sure what she was looking for. But it was obvious that she wanted me to select something for her to buy for my son. I chose an outfit and we were on our way. I wanted to go to the Children's Place to buy my boys some much-needed summer clothes. But mom became anxious at the mere suggestion and took her phone out of her purse to check the time.

"It's already getting so late, oh my gosh it's already 7:30. I need to be home. It's not good for me to be out so late and I have to be back by 8:00 for getting ready for bed and other things too." [By other things, she means medicine time].

I knew it was a battle I would surely lose, so instead of shopping for my boys, we made our way to the car. I decided I could go shopping another time; it was more important to end the evening on a good note. And mom was happy.

I don't want to eat that!

Being a mom to 3 young kids means being creative (and somewhat flexible) with meals. I expose my children to a variety of foods and encourage trying new things. I do not cater to their whims when they are opposed to the meals I make. With that said, I have one child, in particular, who is especially picky. Though she eventually eats what is on her plate, if it's something she doesn't want to eat, she will let you know about it. If I stick to her "staple" meals (the foods that she is guaranteed to eat...pizza, hamburgers, chicken nuggets, etc), we will have no issue. But whenever I try something new, I'm prepared for the fits; "what is that?", "I don't like that", etc. I have to remind them when we go out to have good manners and be polite about the food, especially if we are eating at another person's house. Thankfully, every restaurant has a kid's meal. If there are hamburgers, chicken nuggets, or macaroni and cheese, I know I'm safe when we're eating out. Mealtime with kids can be exhausting, and even annoying!!

One of the symptoms of frontotemporal lobe dementia is an altered food preferences. This means that the person will lose their taste for things they once loved, or become overly obsessed with particular foods. Over the past couple years, my mom's food preferences have drastically been altered. Foods that she once loved have lost their place on her taste buds. In fact, like my children, there are only a few types foods that she prefers to eat.

She loves chicken and chicken nuggets. She really loves hamburgers and milkshakes. Her absolute favorite meal is tortellini with alfredo sauce and LOTS of garlic, frozen mixed vegetables on the side. My Aunt gave her a recipe for a broccoli cauliflower salad. She will make that salad every week and eat it for lunch. Every time she does, she tells us about how delicious it is and how grateful she is that Tia Tina gave her this delicious recipe. She likes tacos, pizza and burritos. She drinks a slim fast every morning for breakfast (stirring it exactly 100 times) and drinks Ensure frequently.

"It's so delicious" is her catch phrase on meals that she really enjoys. Sometimes she will even sing the preschool song "Yummy yummy yummy in my tummy tummy tummy". It doesn't matter if we are at home or out in public at a restaurant; when she's excited about her food, she will break out into song.

She has been known to offend people when acting picky about the food they've prepared for her when she's visited their home. She's even gone so far as to reject their food and go to Jack-in-the-Box instead! When I say she's offended people, this is before her diagnosis. We now have an understanding that this is beyond her control, and we don't take offense when she brings her own meals to our houses for family dinners. We anticipate beforehand that she may not always like/eat what we prepare.

When it comes to eating out, she has become more difficult than the kids. When given a choice of where to eat she will always choose from the same places: Miguel's Jr (a local fast-food Mexican place that we have been eating at our entire lives), Outback Steakhouse, or Jack-in-the-Box. When we are completely sick of those 3 places, or when those aren't an option, we know that if we find a place that has hamburgers and milkshakes, we will be okay. The picture you see was taken over the weekend at Miguels. When I call to invite her to go to Miguels, she becomes giddy like a schoolgirl.

"Oh YES! Thank you so much. I just love Miguels so much, thank you! Their food is so delicious too!" (She will usually then give me the run-down on her favorite burrito, and ask me if I've ever tried it, the "Miguel's Garbage Burrito").

Writing this doesn't capture the enthusiasm and excitement in her voice. It sounds like a kid who just opened a gift that they'd been anticipating for some time. I've learned to just smile at the childlike innocence and wonder in her voice.

This symptom of the disease can be very problematic for many dementia patients. Fortunately for us, mom loves her ensure, frozen vegetables and salads. But many people with dementia lose their desire for healthy foods and instead become obsessed with junk food. Oddly enough, my once chocolate-loving, queen-of-baking mother has lost her taste for sweets. She never eats sweets or desserts anymore.

For those who are reading this, and are struggling with keeping your loved-one healthy (whether it's a picky child or a person with an illness), I have a few suggestions.

1. Give them ensure to drink-it is packed with vitamins that will give them some nutrition.

2. Learn to cook with purees. I started doing this with my family. It's super easy to hide vegetable and fruit purees in simple meals that you make. I learned how to do when I purchased this cookbook. It was worth every penny!


3. You can crush vitamins (if they are resistant to taking them) and hide them in foods, shakes, etc. Or better yet, get liquid or powder vitamins and/or supplements to hide in their food.

4.There is a cookbook that was written specifically for people with problems chewing and swallowing (which eventually develops in dementia patients). There are some yummy and healthy recipes.


Dealing with picky eaters can be a real challenge. In all honesty, it is easier to coax my kids to eat what is put before them than it is with a dementia patient. But with the right tools and knowledge, the fight can become a little easier!